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Coaches should share losses gracefully
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By Rick Burns
Central College (Iowa)
Central College (Iowa)
“They just didn’t show up today.”
“They weren’t ready to play.”
The white noise emanating from colleagues disappointed with their teams’ performance is a common refrain. Often these are the same coaches who proclaim the value of team unity, togetherness and speak of the team as family. There is a disconnect here. Somewhere, the King of Accountability, John Wooden, is frowning in dismay.
If the team and coaches are family, then they win and lose together. If the team didn’t play well or win, it follows that the coach must share the blame: If they weren’t ready to play, the coach didn’t have them ready to play. Coaches must share responsibility for poor performance. Snuggling up to a winner and distancing yourself from a loser shows a lack of confidence and is unethical.
Sometimes I hear coaches lamenting and explaining their teams’ poor performance when, quite simply, the other team was better. If the skill and athleticism gap is too wide, effort, preparation and inspiration just aren’t enough. Sheer force of will doesn’t mean you will always get results. Available talent may just not be good enough to match ambition.
The honest approach is to simply acknowledge that you have lost to a superior opponent (I recently lost my 170th college match, so I know of what I speak). Other healthy approaches might be, “The score was an accurate reflection of the way the match went,” or “Kudos to our opponent for a match well played.”
Accepting the pain of defeat and enduring it gracefully without excuse is a great life value to teach. If after a loss you feel sad, be sad and ride it out together. Just like in life, you take it and you endure. (My experience is that the shelf life of a win or a loss is brief.)
Of course this approach might not be acceptable to booster organizations or athletics administrators, especially at the Division I level, who often genuflect to the athletics holy of holies: winning. Student-athletes can only be hurt by the sullen, win-at-all-cost climate we have created in this country. I propose that winning is overrated and the singular quest for it can only lead to unhappiness.
After a good start this past season, my team struggled. The reason is twofold: We were playing better teams and we were a weaker team due to injury. We prepared well and played hard but were outmanned by strong and deep opponents. But my players are taught they are successful if they care for and respect each other, train and play with diligence and vigor, and commit themselves to be as good as they can be. They have learned that there is intrinsic honor and great satisfaction in the effort. If they walk off the field at the end of the match and can honestly say, “What I can do, I have done,” there is nothing more that I can ask of them.
The pursuit of excellence, I’m convinced, is as honorable as the achievement. My players aren’t champions; we aren’t great. But we are good enough. I won’t have them believing otherwise.
In the gloaming of my career I have come to believe that humility is the key quality of the good coach. Coaches have to be able to say on occasion, “I don’t know,” or “This just isn’t working,” or (dare I suggest it) “I was wrong.” All coaches deal with the same things. We cycle through the same phases every season: same problems, same words. We all struggle, we are all vulnerable.
One thing that does surprise me: In 25 years as a head college soccer coach, I have never had a player show any concern for my reaction to the challenges of the season. Sometimes I want to cry out, “Who motivates the motivator; who consoles the consoler?” I guess it’s a lot like parenting — where your kids don’t appreciate you until later in life (my sons never said “good parenting, Dad!”).
I did get some personal feedback from a player recently. She looked at me and said, “Coach, you look tired.”
“I’m not tired,” I told her. “This is how I look.”
Rick Burns is the women’s soccer coach at Central College (Iowa).
“They weren’t ready to play.”
The white noise emanating from colleagues disappointed with their teams’ performance is a common refrain. Often these are the same coaches who proclaim the value of team unity, togetherness and speak of the team as family. There is a disconnect here. Somewhere, the King of Accountability, John Wooden, is frowning in dismay.
If the team and coaches are family, then they win and lose together. If the team didn’t play well or win, it follows that the coach must share the blame: If they weren’t ready to play, the coach didn’t have them ready to play. Coaches must share responsibility for poor performance. Snuggling up to a winner and distancing yourself from a loser shows a lack of confidence and is unethical.
Sometimes I hear coaches lamenting and explaining their teams’ poor performance when, quite simply, the other team was better. If the skill and athleticism gap is too wide, effort, preparation and inspiration just aren’t enough. Sheer force of will doesn’t mean you will always get results. Available talent may just not be good enough to match ambition.
The honest approach is to simply acknowledge that you have lost to a superior opponent (I recently lost my 170th college match, so I know of what I speak). Other healthy approaches might be, “The score was an accurate reflection of the way the match went,” or “Kudos to our opponent for a match well played.”
Accepting the pain of defeat and enduring it gracefully without excuse is a great life value to teach. If after a loss you feel sad, be sad and ride it out together. Just like in life, you take it and you endure. (My experience is that the shelf life of a win or a loss is brief.)
Of course this approach might not be acceptable to booster organizations or athletics administrators, especially at the Division I level, who often genuflect to the athletics holy of holies: winning. Student-athletes can only be hurt by the sullen, win-at-all-cost climate we have created in this country. I propose that winning is overrated and the singular quest for it can only lead to unhappiness.
After a good start this past season, my team struggled. The reason is twofold: We were playing better teams and we were a weaker team due to injury. We prepared well and played hard but were outmanned by strong and deep opponents. But my players are taught they are successful if they care for and respect each other, train and play with diligence and vigor, and commit themselves to be as good as they can be. They have learned that there is intrinsic honor and great satisfaction in the effort. If they walk off the field at the end of the match and can honestly say, “What I can do, I have done,” there is nothing more that I can ask of them.
The pursuit of excellence, I’m convinced, is as honorable as the achievement. My players aren’t champions; we aren’t great. But we are good enough. I won’t have them believing otherwise.
In the gloaming of my career I have come to believe that humility is the key quality of the good coach. Coaches have to be able to say on occasion, “I don’t know,” or “This just isn’t working,” or (dare I suggest it) “I was wrong.” All coaches deal with the same things. We cycle through the same phases every season: same problems, same words. We all struggle, we are all vulnerable.
One thing that does surprise me: In 25 years as a head college soccer coach, I have never had a player show any concern for my reaction to the challenges of the season. Sometimes I want to cry out, “Who motivates the motivator; who consoles the consoler?” I guess it’s a lot like parenting — where your kids don’t appreciate you until later in life (my sons never said “good parenting, Dad!”).
I did get some personal feedback from a player recently. She looked at me and said, “Coach, you look tired.”
“I’m not tired,” I told her. “This is how I look.”
Rick Burns is the women’s soccer coach at Central College (Iowa).
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